Post office accused of quantative easing

Government ministers this week have accused the now privatized Post Office of quantitative easing (QE). Backbench MP Tristan Huffington said that it was a scandal that the Post Office were carrying out dangerous financial procedures in a time of uncertainty. "It is a greedy and lazy way of generating cash used to fund the lavish activities of their shareholders"
Post Office union boss Mike McLasky said "oh yeah, that's rich coming from those hypocritical wind bags, who print money like there's no tomorrow. When the government owned the Post Office it was called printing stamps! Nothing's changed...bastards!"

Disclaimer: This story is satire - this means it is for entertainment only and is not true. Mr Anthrop accepts no responsibility for the accuracy or otherwise of this information - it is all untrue. If you see any allegory or similarity with actual events you are plainly mistaken.

Unnatural sex document found at Westminster

A secret government file detailing "unnatural" sexual behaviour taking place at Westminster 35 years ago has been unearthed.
The document entitled, 'The Joy of Sex', was discovered in an archive entitled 'unnatural' and was marked 'for destruction'.
A House of Lords spokesman said the work was a disgrace and should have led to prosecution of the author at the very least. "It's simply unacceptable that in today's society that these works of heterosexual activity are allowed to be seen. It could lead to all sorts of chaos, like shutting down single sex boys boarding schools, closing of the dark web, no re-runs of Jim'll Fix It and widespread resignations amongst the ruling classes. We just can't have this!"

Disclaimer: This story is satire - this means it is for entertainment only and is not true. Mr Anthrop accepts no responsibility for the accuracy or otherwise of this information - it is all untrue. If you see any allegory or similarity with actual events you are plainly mistaken.

A&E failings explained

Jobless people have been singled out by a parliamentary committee as the reason behind the large number of UK hospitals declaring emergency incident procedures in the last few months. It would appear that fractures are the biggest contributor to the overwhelmed departments. 
Casper Wellington-Booth, spokesperson for the committee explained that it was the large falls in the unemployed which recently hit headlines that were clearly to blame.
"why can't these lazy, good for nothing, people just lie on their couches and watch Jeremy Kyle rather than waste valuable resources chasing food and breaking limbs. Maybe we should put all the jobless in Norfolk where it's flat, and pipe in spreadable cheese to prevent these unnecessary casualties" 

Disclaimer: This story is satire - this means it is for entertainment only and is not true. Mr Anthrop accepts no responsibility for the accuracy or otherwise of this information - it is all untrue. If you see any allegory or similarity with actual events you are plainly mistaken.