Robbery in Hatton's garden, you say?

Police investigating Britain's biggest heist admit they have drawn a blank in searching boxer Ricky Hatton's gardens. They say that there is no sign whatsoever of any safety deposit boxes there.

Disclaimer: This story is satire - this means it is for entertainment only and is not true. Mr Anthrop accepts no responsibility for the accuracy or otherwise of this information - it is all untrue. If you see any allegory or similarity with actual events, people or places, you are plainly mistaken. 

It's just plain Wronga

As payday loans firm Wonga report a pre-tax loss of £37.3 Million for 2014, startup firm Wronga have offered to bail them out of the shit at a rate of £1M per week for the next ten years collected every Saturday morning at a very reasonable 20000000% APR.

Disclaimer: This story is satire - this means it is for entertainment only and is not true. Mr Anthrop accepts no responsibility for the accuracy or otherwise of this information - it is all untrue. If you see any allegory or similarity with actual events, people or places, you are plainly mistaken. 

Peaked too un

Kim latest manly feat, climbing Mt. Paektu, the countries highest mountain, is called into question after a photograph of him smiling, surrounded by adoring soldiers shows an anomaly.

In other news, a man was found floating in a river south of the capital with a paint roller protruding from his nether regions.

Disclaimer: This story is satire - this means it is for entertainment only and is not true. Mr Anthrop accepts no responsibility for the accuracy or otherwise of this information - it is all untrue. If you see any allegory or similarity with actual events, people or places, you are plainly mistaken. 

If needs musth

It is sad to report the gruesome demise of one of Zimbabwe's top professional big game hunters in an incident whilst tracking and scouting for clients in the Zambesi Valley.
Ian 'Gibbo' Gibson was charged by a young male elephant in 'musth' who knocked him down, then knelt on him, crushing him to death.
Still, on the upside the herd deservedly now have some shiny white toothpicks, a letter opener and stunning vase.

attr: Muhammad Mahdi Karim

Disclaimer: This story is satire - this means it is for entertainment only and is not true. Mr Anthrop accepts no responsibility for the accuracy or otherwise of this information - it is all untrue. If you see any allegory or similarity with actual events, people or places, you are plainly mistaken. 

  

Soooo easy!

Gonna take on the cryptic one this weekend!

Potty in his hands

Andy Murray and Kim Sears celebrated their marriage today surrounded by friends, family and other stars in a sumptuous effort.
Asked afterwards what they had thought of their wedding Andy said "It was alright", Kim said "It was a f****ng nightmare with the pi***ng rain an all. Can't believe so many c***s came from so far to witness me in a t****ng white dress, what a bunch of f****ng t**ts!

Disclaimer: This story is satire - this means it is for entertainment only and is not true. Mr Anthrop accepts no responsibility for the accuracy or otherwise of this information - it is all untrue. If you see any allegory or similarity with actual events, people or places, you are plainly mistaken. 

Mercedes F1 team ponder upgrade for next race

Technical specialists are today discussing an upgrade suggested by Lewis Hamilton following his victory in China this week. The upgrade is thought by Lewis to be of benefit to the team in ensuring that his team-mate Nico Rosberg can maintain the Mercedes teams dominance in the 2015 season.

Disclaimer: This story is satire - this means it is for entertainment only and is not true. Mr Anthrop accepts no responsibility for the accuracy or otherwise of this information - it is all untrue. If you see any allegory or similarity with actual events, people or places, you are plainly mistaken. 

Benedict Cumberbatch to be cloned?

It has been rumoured that the screen idol is to be cloned in what is described by his agent, Muchness & Morethan, as a necessary step to allow the original a 'bit of time off'.
"It is clear that the demand for his undoubtedly good looks and acting skills is such that without the controversial procedure, his career would be unlikely to fulfill it's maximum capability" said his agent.

To prevent any chances of confusion, each of the clones is to be given a different name which best describes their stereotyped futures and easier for advertising, film and TV agencies to choose the right one.
The first swathe of roles include an aged loser called Benefit Comfortblanket, a childrens character called Bellyflop Cabbagepatch, a failed sports star called Tumblebutt Fumblethrwack, a cheesy guitar legend Mumblestrum Candlewax and a potential leading role for Fifty Shades II named Bendydick Crinklesack.

Bellyflop Cabbagepatch

Disclaimer: This story is satire - this means it is for entertainment only and is not true. Mr Anthrop accepts no responsibility for the accuracy or otherwise of this information - it is all untrue. If you see any allegory or similarity with actual events, people or places, you are plainly mistaken.