He doth protest too much, methinks

A wolf has offered to hold a joint inquiry with a shepherd into the disappearance and worrying of local sheep on the Yorkshire moors. Geoffrey Beardsley, shepherd to over three hundred sheep has long suspected wolf Kim Wrongun as being responsible for these callous attacks and has made a number of thinly veiled allegations as to Kim's culpability in these matters: 'that fat, mangy, bastard definitely 'ad my sheep!' said Mr Beardsley. Kim, initially speaking through his agent Hackit and Hackit responded that there were no grounds to accuse him of this heinous crime as he was away on business doing a photo shoot for a supermarket at the time and anyway it was strawberry pavlova on his muzzle when the photos were taken. Kim appealed to Geoffrey to assist him in discovering the true perpetrator of these dastardly deeds before anything hasty was acted upon.
Martha Jones, the spokesheep said that she had lost some sheep and didn't know where to find them and was currently on medication for the worrying which was leaving her unable to sleep especially since her usual method of nodding off  by counting her flock was getting ever more stressful all things considered.
Security analyst Dawn Rodberry said that a number of emails had been intercepted from various members of the wolf pack, swapping recipes for lamb and shepherds pie and that there was a Christmas club which members had been contributing to and required Kim, as pack leader, to 'acquire' twenty sheep to fulfill the orders. This year, seventeen sheep had vanished and a number were on a variety of dips for stress related disorders. One was said to be undertaking regular mint dips but Geoffrey defended this seemingly cruel process by explaining that it was merely an old homeopathic remedy for stupidity and was nothing to do with tenderising.

Geoffrey ruled out any such combined investigation as it was 'bleeding obvious' that this power crazed unhinged dictatorial inbred lunatic was responsible. Kim, furious with rage at the accuracy of Geoffrey's description, threatened an unspecified attack on the shepherd and the entire flock. As a final solution Geoffrey set fire to the broadband exchange and the wolves vanished overnight.

Moral of the story? Always make sure you encrypt sensitive emails.

Disclaimer: This story is satire - this means it is for entertainment only and is not true. Mr Anthrop accepts no responsibility for the accuracy or otherwise of this information - it is all untrue. If you see any allegory or similarity with actual events you are plainly mistaken.