Our smalltown everything guru Mark Richards has announced that despite never using an iPhone or having any personal knowledge of the devices that they are shit. Many years of observing the kind of people who have iPhones has led Mark to ascertain that they must be shit because he doesn't have one and they do. He concludes this using his limitless and unquestionably superior opinions and that conversely, Samsung devices are incredible. You can time travel, use them as interstellar space craft, ski on both water and snow using them. You can create sonic booms whilst effecting colour changes on aurora borealis by just staring at the technology, all whilst having conversations with aliens from other planets many thousands of light years from Earth. You clearly can't argue with this kind of functionality can you?
In other news, Samsung announce the closing of their flagship London store citing lack of interest in their products.
Disclaimer: This story is satire - this means it is for
entertainment only and is not true. Mr Anthrop accepts no responsibility
for the accuracy or otherwise of this information - it is all untrue.
If you see any allegory or similarity with actual events you are plainly
mistaken.
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