Letters home

In a bid to deflect criticism aimed at the Police in not ensuring that letters given to the three jihadi bound girls got to their parents, the government has brought in measures to ensure critically important letters from school get safely to their destination. A convoy of vehicles which consists of marked and unmarked high performance cars and motorcycle outriders will collect letters from the school and deliver them to parents. A spokesperson from the government explained that the motorcycles carried smoke grenades and rear facing oil ejectors and one of the cars would act as decoy in the event that the convoy was attacked. The letters contained satellite trackers and would need to been signed for on receipt. Ruth Walker, a mother of a year three pupil of St Basil's infant School said she wasn't sure about the service as she received her first letter just as Eastenders started and the whole street was awash with flashing lights and sirens. It was so embarrassing she said as the officer, in full view of the neighbours, presented her with a letter and a nit comb.

Disclaimer: This story is satire - this means it is for entertainment only and is not true. Mr Anthrop accepts no responsibility for the accuracy or otherwise of this information - it is all untrue. If you see any allegory or similarity with actual events, people or places, you are plainly mistaken.